Gratitude is one key to a happy life, but too many columns this week are self-serving, syrupy recitations of life’s blessings. That’s nice. That’s sweet. In the interest of balance, however, here is my annual list of some things that irritate me.
Jon Gruden. I’m already over Gruden and the members of his cult. #FireGruden.
When I leave the house and forget to take my cell phone. When I leave the house and remember to take my cell phone. Facebook posts of people’s food. Facebook posts by hypochondriacs.
The spelling of Treasury Secretary Mnuchin’s last name. Pat Sajak needs to sell that guy a vowel.
Strangely applied justice. Merrill Lynch quietly pays fines when its employees repeatedly and intentionally overcharge customers. Pilot Flying J gets an armed FBI raid and indictments.
Tesla and every other company so poorly or immorally managed that it requires free taxpayer money to operate. Those always-empty electric car parking spaces at Calhoun’s.
People who decline invitations with a pretentious report on their social lives. “Thanks for the invitation, but the Governor and I will be having lunch on his jet that day with Peyton Manning.”
Rachel Maddow, Sean Hannity, Mitch McConnell, Maxine Waters and every Federal Reserve Board chairman after Paul Volcker. The Federal Reserve.
People who use “Roll Tide” as a punctuation mark. “I would like an order of chicken livers, Roll Tide, a PBR tallboy and a box of those 12 gauge, 00 buckshot shells. Roll Tide.”
Adobe flash. The “i” problem with my iPhone keyboard. Web pages that automatically play videos. Ridiculous GoFundMe beggars. Those Kars for Kids radio commercials.
The Cumberland Avenue redesign; it’s very pretty and will, I am sure, win awards from people who create self-congratulatory awards, but I can’t get to Cookout or Copper Cellar.
The faulty leather that causes my belt to shrink this time of year. Conspiracy theorists; Vince Foster is not quasi-alive in an Area 51 freezer.
Stockbrokers who sell annuities to IRA investors. Stockbrokers who sell the higher cost of two otherwise identical mutual funds. My Excel spreadsheet with hundreds of passwords, PINs and answers to ridiculous security questions.
Bicyclists who want to be treated like motorists when they back up traffic, then want to be treated like pedestrians when they run red lights.
Automatic soap and paper towel dispensers. One-gallon flush toilets. Toothpaste smeared in my sink. Mirrors. Evites, fake flowers and wedding ceremonies that last longer than 20 minutes.
Security theatrics at the airport. I can’t tell you who the terrorists are, but I know who they aren’t.
People who ask the question “Can I ask you a question?” People who think everyone should vote; they obviously never met my little sister’s first husband.
David Moon is president of Moon Capital Management. A version of this piece originally appeared in the USA TODAY NETWORK.