A Thanksgiving list of irritations

David MoonBlog

Columns about the things for which the writer is grateful are, in my opinion, gratuitous and self-serving. Instead, here is a list of things that, to varying degrees, irritate me.

When people quote the investment analyst They. “They say gold is going up this year.”

People who ask questions for the sole purpose of announcing their opinion. People who answer my question with a question that cannot possibly help them produce an answer. “How long until dinner is ready?” “I’m not sure; what time is it?”

Kanye West and Billy Ray Cyrus. How do these achy-breaky creeps keep getting on television?

Local TIFs and taxpayer grants given to out-of-state billionaires and convicted felons.

Jimmy from the Zyppah radio commercials. Christiane Amanpour. I don’t need someone raised in a country that executes people for the crime of homosexuality moralizing about the United States.

The PA system on commercial airplanes. I hope the altimeter works better than the pilot’s microphone. When the flight attendant says “in the event of a water landing….” It’s called a crash.

Liberals with no tolerance for dissenting voices. Conservatives who want a legislated moral code.

Companies that regularly blame the weather for poor operating results. Companies that create their own non-GAAP terms to obfuscate disappointing performance. “Adjusted earnings” really means “what our earnings would have been if we ignore some of our expenses.”

Improper use of the words “their,” “there” and “they’re.” The word “like” when used as a verbal tick. The word “tardy.” “Tardy” sounds too innocent and cutesy to describe a behavior that is self-centered and rude. I propose a new word: “depunctual.”

Mark Zuckerburg. People who replace real life with Facebook. Females who leave the toilet seat down. People who don’t send thank you notes.

People who decline an invitation with a pretentious report on their social life. “I’m sorry; I can’t meet that day. Angelina Jolie and I will be at Blackberry Farm dining with the Governor.”

Two-abreast bicyclists riding half the speed limit who complain that automobilists don’t share the road.

People who believe that CNBC guests are mystically clairvoyant. “I bought shares of Bear Stearns this morning; Jim Cramer said it was safe.”

Jim Cramer.

Foreign call centers. Phone calls in elevators. Sports call-in shows. Sports call-in show callers. Inconsistent application of the targeting rule. The NCAA.

When people say “irregardless.” It isn’t a word.

Equity-linked CDs. Annuities in IRAs. Jacqueline Stanfill and Bernie Madoff. Scott Boruff and Ken Lay.

Football commentators who say things like “Tennessee’s offense is really dangerous when it has the ball.”

Whoever changed the name of the little tic-tac-toe thing from “pound sign” to “hashtag.” The Taco Bell drive-through. Hair in my bathroom sink. I haven’t owned a hair that long since my freshman year in college.

David Moon is president of Moon Capital Management, a Knoxville-based investment management firm. This article originally appeared in the News Sentinel (Knoxville, TN)