Mark Twain once observed that there is no sadder sight than a young pessimist, yet there always seems to be a segment of new college graduates who, based on their actions, appear to be deeply committed to a life of stagnant growth and failure. For their benefit, I offer these tips on creating a directionless life, almost guaranteed to lack meaning or fulfillment.

First, master the art of blame. When something goes wrong – and it will – look around and figure out who is at fault. Your boss, coworkers, the economy, your parents, the weather—anyone but yourself. Accountability is overrated.

When something good happens, always take credit.

Now that you are finally out of school, don’t waste time learning anything new. Your degree is plenty. No need to read books if there isn’t a test at the end of the semester.

Criticize as many people as possible, especially those who have achieved more than you have. Whenever possible, do it publicly. Social media is the perfect place for airing grievances, since constantly posting your complaints or uninformed opinions is one of the most effective ways to improve the world.

Time management is key. Spend large portions of your day playing video games and worrying about things over which you have no control. Spend every dollar you make—and then some. Max out credit cards, lease expensive cars, finance everything, and live gloriously paycheck-to-paycheck.

Use those credit cards for nice things you deserve, like dining out, bar tabs, and vacations. Only make the minimum payments.

Prioritize your online presence. Post photos of every meal and vacation; after all, if it’s not on Instagram did it really happen? Obsessively compare yourself to others, using everyone else’s curated highlight reels as proof you’re falling behind.

Avoid responsibility. Never get a pet. Never take risks. Procrastinate. Focus on your health and saving money when you are older.

Make complaining a lifestyle. Turn every conversation into a rant about how unfair the world is. Remember, negative thinking is one of the most effective ways to create a life of misery.

Surround yourself with goalless, miserable, unsuccessful people. Bonus points if you are the most accomplished person in your circle.

Make decisions that maximize your short-term pleasure. Focus on everything you deserve, but someone hasn’t yet provided to you. Ask your boss for a raise, rather than how you can earn more money.

Tell others what they should do with their money.

Sow as many wild oats as possible, for as long as you can. Chase every fleeting pleasure, hookup, party, and impulsive thrill.

Follow these principles carefully and you will be well on your way to a life that is disappointing in all the most avoidable ways.

David Moon is president of Moon Capital Management. A version of this piece originally appeared in the USA TODAY NETWORK.