Thinking of others is always the kind and mature thing to do, especially at Christmas.  With that spirit of selfless generosity (and some sarcasm), I’ve compiled a list of gifts for others this year.

For Josh Heupel, an electric razor. For Lane Kiffin, a new sponsor. Santa should also give college football a governing body and an actual commissioner. UT needs more dorms (and fewer students competing with permanent residents for private housing.)

For Mark Zuckerberg and Bill Gates, a head shaver. What is it with tech billionaires and horrible haircuts? Just give up and shave it off like Jeff Bezos.

For Elon Musk, a family planning kit. Elon probably needs a head shaver, too.

For people who spend their days reposting nonsense on social media, a better built-in bullcrap detector.

I also wish Santa would distribute Harbrace Handbooks to speakers at school board, county commission, and city council meetings.

For those who work downtown and in south Knoxville, perhaps Santa could arrange to have someone properly repair the Gay Street bridge and remove the newly constructed permanent automobile barricades at each end.

For taxpayers, I hope Santa brings several things this year: believable economic data, a tax code that doesn’t change annually, and candidates with higher IQs and ethics.

For investors, I wish Santa would give us the secret to Nancy Pelosi’s stock picking prowess. And one more Berkshire Hathaway meeting with Charlie Munger.

For AI companies, a business model that makes money, rather than just inflating local utility bills.

For all 535 members of Congress, a copy of the US Constitution, with the Appropriations Clause highlighted. It is a moral travesty that Congress hasn’t properly fulfilled its budget obligations in almost 30 years.

For Donald Trump, a flip phone with no social media access. For Zohran Mamdani, a copy of Atlas Shrugged.

For people who inappropriately sell annuities and high expense mutual funds to their unwitting customers, I hope they get switches. And, jail time, along with a special place in hell, which I assume Santa subcontracts.

Of course, I would be doing myself a disservice if I didn’t mention a couple of things I hope to find in my own stocking Christmas morning. Like a new boom sprayer for my tractor and obedience lessons for my wife’s terrorist dog, Sadaam. I also need Harvey Updyke’s help to fix some overlandscaping I allowed next to my house and driveway. And a hot tub—industrial grade, preferably powered by reclaimed jumbo-jet engines.

And most of all, I would love to have another day with my friends who died way too young. And a couple of them who hung on about a week too long.

David Moon is president of Moon Capital Management. A version of this piece originally appeared in the USA TODAY NETWORK.